Rooster's Train Ride

Alright people....

It's time to bring it down another notch. Will all the Fat people please stand up!! Literally. What is up with fat people trying to squeeze their oversized asses into tiny little subway seats? I mean let's be serious here. How do you possibly think your going to fit into a tiny seat when you need the jaws of life just to get out of your pants? Now, don't misunderstand The Rooster. I'm not talking about all over-sized people(Plus size people need love too!!). I'm talking about the ghetto ass, white trash sort that know their fat but still think their hot.

How do you spot one of these behemoths? First, find the tightest corner on a subway car you can find and look around. There is bound to be one of these people. A clear give away is the clothing. They know the sh*t doesn't fit but they think they look good anyway. Let's be clear here: If your fat and it's a small shirt, that sh*t doesn't fit. You know that so why try? Go pick out a bigger size. If they don't have your size, go find a sheet and make your own sh*t. But never leave the house with your fat hanging out like it's posing for a photo-shoot.

So now that you've identified your target, and believe me you can't miss them, watch the behavior of these people. They loiter next to these seats like a vulture does to roadkill in the desert. I say roadkill because that is exactly what the poor bastard's in the other seat are. Their dead and you just don't know it yet. Because when that planet comes crashing into that seat, they're frozen in fear, like a deer caught in the headlights. It's happened to me, more than once, and each time it seems the person next to me just gets bigger and bigger. One of these days friends, The Rooster will not be making it out alive.

Just the other day, these massive walking dinosaur(which I thought were extinct), came crashing into me. I don't know if it was the smell of blood from a paper cut I had, or the snickers bar I was eating that attracted her, but man, when fat people move, there is no stopping that freight train. You can't stop it, you just have to get out the way fast enough. So there I am munching on a snickers, tending to my wound, when this walking ton of lard, sat down next to me. I literally felt the seat bend in the middle. It felt like the ground opened and was about to swallow me whole. After the fear of death passed, I got really annoyed. Why you ask? Because this person was so fat, their leg was draped over my leg like an enormous snow suit. It took me almost 5 minutes to tunnel out from under that massive amount of flesh. I almost missed my stop.

Now to those fat people who insist on doing this to other people, I just have one question? Why? If your left ass cheek takes up one whole seat, and the right ass cheek takes up another, what drug are you on that makes you think you can squeeze your fat ass into ONE tiny seat? Please tell us, cause whatever your taking, The Rooster has got to get some of that!!! I mean come on, if you can't stand on a scale without hearing it scream, how do you expect to not crush the person in the next seat. I'm not trying to be mean here, just realistic. Maybe you'll wake up and think before you decide to crush an innocent person under mounds of fat. Or maybe you'll read this and go "Oh Sh*t, this person is me. Maybe I should go on a diet". If you think you should go on a diet, odds are you should. For a year!!

Anyway, that's my rant. If I offended anyone with this rant, tough Sh*t. Grow thicker skin. Odds are you'll need it to hold in all that extra weight your carrying, you fat bastard.