Those Damn Cell Phones

Hello All,

Sorry for the delay in updating the site. The Rooster had a temporary case of writer's block. It doesn't happen often but when it does, it knocks me out of the game like I just got kicked in the marbles. And to all my feathered friends who should be posting, get going!! Your ruffling The Rooster's feathers.

So The Rooster came across yet another thing to gripe about. Imagine this, your having a conversation with someone, be it your friend, lover, whatever..and as they're talking you hear someone else talking, usually about something you don't want to hear about, like their colonoscopy or STD tests. You look around and wonder where it's coming from. AHA!! Someone, being obviously rude and obtrusive is chatting on a cell phone for all the world to hear. Like the poor bastards who have to be around this person want to hear about their life. You see this kind of thing happening in supermarkets, restaurants, and even movie theaters. Why dear God, why, did you put such inconsiderate, moronic people on this earth. When and if, I ever get to meet God, I'm putting a suggestion in his box that before he blesses us with these morons, he toss a few in the refuse bin, and go about his merry way. I'm sure he has better things to do than figure out ways to make the world a worse place to live.

Anyway, The Rooster digresses. Why am I talking about this? Because I was the poor bastard who got stuck next to one of these people. For 45 minutes, this person rambled on about her life like it actually didn't suck. I would have gnawed off my own leg if I had any chance of escaping this horrible fate. Unfortunately, there was no where for the rooster to go. For 45 minutes, I heard about her friends, her love-life(which judging by the appearance of this person couldn't really be that good), the cruise ship she was going on(again, judging her by her appearance, that cruise liner better have enough food on board), and how she was thinking of dieting but then decided she didn't need to(Trust me, she did).

In case any of you want to know or try to visualize how much of an agony this is, try slamming your head in a car door for 45 minutes. Trust me, when your done you will still feel better than I did after this ordeal. I felt violated and dirty and there was no escaping the mental images I had while listening to her talk. So to all those who have suffered the same agonizing fate, The Rooster knows what your going through.

I have thought about ways to stop this horrible fate from happening to other people and I came up with a situation I call The Rooster's "Poke and Peel". Here's how it works. When you encounter one of these people, wait a few minutes to see if they finish their conversation. They may stop and that makes them ok to be around. However, if after 5 minutes they don;t stop or the conversation takes a turn for the worse(love-life, STD's, etc..), put the "Poke and Peel" into action. First, "Poke" them in the ribs with an elbow or a metal pipe. Then as they turn to see what's going on, "Peel" the phone out of their hands and throw that sh*t away. Problem solved. However, if the person you need to use the "Poke and Peel" is a rather large person, your poke in the ribs may not have the desired effect. In this case, go for a soft spot, like the eye or ears. But if you go for the ears, wet your finger first. It makes it easier to startle the person, thus directing their attention from the phone to the intruding finger invading their personal space.

Alright folks, that's the Rooster rant for now. You should see some posts from others soon, so have a good one, and let The Rooster know if you have something you need to b*tch about. No gripe is too small!!